Would you still love me if I was a worm (who needed to learn Postgres)?
Thursday, October 01 · 11:30–12:20
You are a worm now. These things happen. There is no going back.
You have no memory of your previous life, a growing sense of urgency, and exactly 30 minutes to figure out what your data should even look like. What you do have: A laptop, a Postgres instance, and a mounting suspicion that you were supposed to know all this like three jobs ago.
This is a beginner's guide to thinking like a Postgres user -- how to model your data, how to structure relationships, adding indexes so "make it faster" now becomes someone else's problem, and how to ask questions of your database and actually get the answers you meant to ask for. Delivered at the pace of someone who has accepted their current bug-shaped-situation and is moving forward anyway. No assumed knowledge. No skipping the parts that feel obvious to everyone except you. No pretending the worm has it together.
Postgres has been here the whole time, waiting. It is not as scary as it looks, and the worm is pretty good at starting at the ground level and touching actual dirt.
The worm is more capable than the worm thinks.
The worm will not leave an expert. The worm will leave knowing how to think about their data -- having modeled it, queried it, sorta broken it, fixed it, and understood why it works.
The worm persists.
No prior database experience required. Some worm experience preferred.
